I enjoyed this e-mail today, and expect you will too!

To the liberal constituents of this country…

Thank you for voting and displaying a complete lack of understanding of the American economy, or an even vague appreciation for freedom. Napoleon once asked his troops on campaign which they found to be heavier, the packs they carried on their backs or chains that would be fitted around their necks. A sense of history is essential in these times, because you are about to feel which burden is more onerous over the next four years.

You voted for Obama because he's articulate and to prove you aren't a racist, the exact same reasons you voted for him in 2008. This again, even though you don't have a single black friend (except for “whats-his-name” that cleans your office, or the guy that drives the bus you ride occasionally). And before you object, the black person that f----d you on that road trip in college does not count. Besides, he was from England, so not even a real black person.

Thank you for voting to support the homosexuals, largely because you watch Glee every week. As an aside, Will on Will and Grace was straight. And yeah, not all gay people are smart, talented, or interesting. A fair number of the females just purely hate men, and some of the men were just molested in the Boy Scouts or perhaps prison, and that is it.

Thank you for blindly ignoring the press, as they have become the propaganda machine for the current regime, since their message is as warm and yummy to you as a batch of fresh baked cookies.

To my conservative friends...

Thank you for your obsession with vaginas, penises, and fetuses. Your unwavering convictions drove a lot of soccer moms and floral designers to the polls again this year. Sometimes freedom means focusing on your own self and letting other people do what ever the hell they want. It really IS that simple of a concept. Nothing motivates women more as a voting block when they perceive a bunch of men telling what is acceptable to do with their reproductive organs.

A special thanks goes out to Todd Akin for teaching us about female reproduction. It is crystal clear to everyone now that you have never even seen female anatomy with the lights on. As for snatching defeat from victory on a silver platter, you have forced the rest of us to endure even more of a liberal controlled Senate. This should work absolute wonders for the composition of the Supreme Court when future nominations arise. Conservative Americans for generations to come will thank you for all you efforts.

Thank you to idiots on both sides of the divide who say, "Well, we just need to give Obama more time to see if his policies work". For crying out loud, take a simple f'ing economics class.

And a super special thank you with kisses goes out to Hollywood. I will NEVER ever buy another movie ticket again. Suck it. Michael Moore, you fat turd, you would never get laid if you were worth only a tenth of what you are. How do your prostitutes keep from vomiting on your sweaty fat carcass when you are done debasing them?

--Rodney